How to better manage your thoughts, feelings and actions: The story of the two wolves.

Did you every hate yourself for thinking, feeling or acting in ways that were not acceptable to yourself but that you felt powerless to control? The purpose of this post is to help you find ways to manage your mind so that you can live your life more in accordance with what your judgment tells you is best for you.

 As we grow up, we gradually become aware that there are many things in the external world which we are largely unable to control including people in general and most events in our lives.   Initially this is difficult to accept but an even more shocking realization is that there are many things about ourselves that we seem powerless to control.  Some of these things are our own thoughts, feelings, and actions which unfortunately can be the source of much pain.  It may be a thought such as “I cannot stop hating my boss for passing me over for a promotion.”  It may involve an emotion e.g. “My girl friend left me and I cannot stop feeling sad, lonely and unloved because of that.”  Or our complaint may involve a behavior e.g. I cannot stop eating this delicious chocolate ice cream. “

But are we really powerless to control maladaptive thoughts, feelings and actions?  What follows is an old Cherokee Indian story which I hope you will find helpful if you want to more effectively control your mind and behaviour.  This story was sent to me by a dear old friend in Canada who despite medical difficulties routinely sends me positive messages.  The Cherokee are an aboriginal native group found in the Southeastern United States.  As is common with oral historical narratives, there are various versions of this story (See: http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html).

The story of the two wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

The grandfather’s answer "The one you feed." is deceivingly simple. The results of psychological research indicate that there are at least four important concepts or ideas implied by the answer:

1. The mind is not the unitary entity it seems to us but consists of different parts. For example in the story there are the two wolves and the “you” that chooses between them.
2. These parts of the mind/brain can interact and be in conflict with each other i.e. the two wolves fight for dominance over our mind and behavior.
3. The “you” has the ability to decide which wolf it will feed.
4. Having made a choice, “you” can decide specifically how to “feed” or nurture the selected wolf.

These four ideas give rise to a number of questions, some of which I have listed below. You might want to write down your answers in your own private journal or computer file protected by a password.  The important thing is to take a quiet time to reflect on the questions and answer them as best you can. I hope that taking time to do this will help you better manage your mind, your feelings, and your actions. 

 

Questions to improve your control over your own mind, feelings, and actions.

• Are you aware of two different opposing “wolves” operating within your mind, one of which leads to pain and a diminished sense o of life and the other to a joyous, meaningful, and fulfilling life?
• Do you recognize that within your mind is a separate entity which is the core you? Other names for this core self are “ego” or just simply the “self”.
• Have you ever experienced times when you noticed a conflict or fight between parts of yourself so that you did not know which way to turn?
• Were you ever disappointed by the choice of behavior made by “you” because you knew that there was a more positive option but you just didn’t choose it?
• In general how effective is your ego in choosing the thoughts feelings and actions which are best for you?
• What ways or techniques or exercises do you use to strengthen your ego or self so as to increase its potency to choose and hence control your life?
• What specific ways do you use to feed the negative wolf?
• What specific ways do you use to feed the positive wolf?
• Having become aware of how you feed the wolf within, can you think of ways to better nurture your chosen wolf?

I will discuss these points in future posts but if you have any immediate questions please send them to me in the comments section below and I will do my best to answer them.

Copyright © 2010 Brian S. Scott

Comments

[S Kaur]

Hi Sir

I read your article on 'How to better manage your thoughts, feelings and actions: The story of the two wolves' with great interest as I am currently facing this problem with my relationship with my husband. However, I want to learn more about this as I realise I have difficulty answering the questions you posed, especially the two below.

1. In general how effective is your ego in choosing the thoughts feelings and actions which are best for you?
2. What ways or techniques or exercises do you use to strengthen your ego or self so as to increase its potency to choose and hence control your life?

How do I learn more about this?